So here it is, Merry Chri . . . well, hold on. It's not quite here. There's still a few days to wait. Another festive season looms on the near horizon. Certain parts of the UK have already had a dumping of troublesome snow. We've endured mornings of hard frosts, to get people in the festive mood. And boy, have we spent - and spent - and spent. The local church Carol service has been a tremendous treat - leaving me with a Christmas smile as I walked back into the winter chill.
However, it seems Christmas can be rather a strange mix - noting it's the less religious aspects take most of centre stage. Our traditions are oozing with paganism - and other strangeness we now seem to count as the norm. And of course - yes, there's always . . . him.
The man with the bag.
He's the one I want to talk about, and even a bit more, because in the stakes to find the most popular Christmas character, Santa Claus has to win hands down. But just what is the appeal of this philanthropic gentleman who only shows up once a year? Why, out of all the peculiarities in the world, do we trust this now very old man to look after our children's material needs for the scant time of the Christmas season? After all, this dude has just swept in from nowhere on Christmas Eve and taken all the credit for fulfilling every young hearts desire. We don't really know who he is - or what he wants. It's more likely in these dark days to suspect such a man's happy motives might be nestling in the dark and depraved. At least that's what we could imagine to be the case, regardless of our willingness to offer the 'benefit of doubt' - and trust the happy fellow.
It's been made pretty clear he's no ordinary man. We quite easily believe in all of his aspects, also expecting our children to be complicit in the long established fantasy, if they have any expectation of receiving the magical Christmas cheer that goes with such belief. It's all a harmless bit of fun of course, despite the threat from the dreaded 'naughty or nice' list Santa carries with him. Imagine, if you will, an ancient book, stinking of age, bound in some unknown hide that looks too much like human skin - it's pages yellowed and brittle, it's contents the scrawl from a deranged arthritic hand. Woe betide if your name is in the latter half of the book - if you're on the 'naughty list.'
It's amazing how myth gathers weight, eventually becoming part of known tradition. We now accept Santa Claus as part of December's enchantment, encouraging us to embrace a strange fantastical world. A few days out from Christmas, I can feel a strange kind of magic, igniting imaginings - be they dark or otherwise. I can remember when I believed Father Christmas was real, that he would get into the house in the wee small hours, planting presents for no real good reason than the day itself. Yet now, maybe wiser, I still have the belief of wild imagination; that 'what if' - powering story - and the dark prose I take so much delight in.
Film, books, and television have made sure Santa Claus remains alive and well. We know his background, where he lives, what he does for the rest of the year when he's not engaged in his 'one night only' world tour. He has been portrayed so many times across the years that we accept his presence without question. In fact, now, it would be almost impossible to have Christmas without him.
Safe now to say -
I BELIEVE . . .
We'd finally reached Ground Zero. Not the place where the World Trade Centre went down. This was some other, more lonely place. To tell the truth, after all this time, I'd lost track of the exact location. All I knew for sure was that my heart and soul felt weary every day. I ached from loss, from searching too long through cold empty streets that should have been full of life, but no longer were.
Every time I saw a dead child, I wept.
Thank God I still had the glock.
That, at least, might help keep him safe.
I'd used the thing a few times already. Close range. It was hard to believe that stumbling creature from two days back had once been a man, snarling and lolling out his peeling tongue like he wanted desperately to make my acquaintance, or lick the dirt off my face - before taking a bite out of it. I saw right into his eyes, the very second I blew them out of his skull. Dead. Fish eyes. That's when I wanted to puke, because I could smell lingering death trapped inside his skin - like the flesh of a burst, rotting melon.
Damn Saint Nick . . .
"Dad, I'm hungry."
That was my boy. With me in Hell. The only thing left around here for me to love. And I did love him. My God, this was no place for a nine year old boy. Will had seen more shit than anyone should, at his - or any age. Anyway, it didn't take long to find an abandoned store, even though the best I could come up with from its shelves was a stale bar of chocolate. At least it put a fresh smile on his cherubic face. I considered a snack from the dried fruit section before relenting and joining the boy in a sugar rush that was well past its sell by date.
It was strange to see a Christmas tree so long after the event, but I suppose that's what happens when entropy gets to do its thing. The winding drape of lights hanging from its tired branches had long since lost their sparkle. I traced the dead feed wire back, with Will at my heels. It wasn't long before it left ground, crawling up the side of a white painted building like a jungle creeper, to disappear into the fist floor window of some back street apartment.
I knew he had a thing for fairy lights.
But these . . . were as dead as he was.
It still pricked me, made me sling open my bag and look at the ones I'd brought, rolled up inside the pack like a barb wire crown. The only batteries to give them life were old, even risky, nestled deep inside my parka pocket. They were supposedly long life, so I expected they would work.
I hoped they would work.
Life here, was all about acceptable risks.
The moment we got inside the mall proper was when I started to feel really scared. Not so much for myself. I'd done my bit in the world. No. It was for Will. For my son. Like any father, I wanted him to go on. Was that really too much to ask? My wife had died in a screaming fit on Boxing Day, and my beautiful little girl just after the turn of the New Year. She had been older than her brother, but that hadn't stopped some deformed sideshow leprechaun biting a deep hole in her arm - to leave me with the worst decision of all.
So you're a child killer now . . .
"Is it time, Dad?"
I felt a painful sob rise in my throat at the memory of her and the admirable bravery of my son. I held onto it, knowing something about the visceral power of vengeance and its capacity to numb fear. I had no time to celebrate Will's courage, or even berate his foolhardiness. I simply hunched over, smiling as I pulled the roll of Christmas lights from the bag. His eyes widened when he saw them. I put it down to adrenaline rush.
"It's time, son," I said, rummaging for the pack of batteries.
I swallowed. There was nothing to go down my throat. Will was now standing alone in the main walkway of the empty shopping mall, twenty yards from me, hands in pockets, wrapped from head to foot in glowing Christmas tree lights. There was no way I could reach him if something happened. I loosened my grip on the glock pistol in my hand, feeling the wetness of my sweating palm. I flexed pain away from my fingers, then tightened up again, before re-sighting the weapon in the direction of my boy.
Dad, I'm scared! I couldn't see Will's face from where I crouched. I just hoped the voice in my head was paranoia and not clairvoyance. He was alone out there.
Waiting for the man with the bag,
It was a leprechaun turned up first. A zombie henchman. Attracted by the glow of lights., I heard its childish moaning, saw the dead thing sniff the air before tentatively moving out into the open.
Toward Will . . .
The boy, to his credit, kept stock still. I'd have been scared shitless. Probably would have tried to back away. But this young soldier held fast (maybe it was because he couldn't move). Just how tight had I wrapped those glowers around him anyway? He didn't utter a word. Maybe that was how much he trusted my aim.
"I love you son," I heard myself mutter as I squeezed the trigger - and shot that bastard imp clean through the head.
"YOU BETTER WATCH OUT . . . "
What the hell? I literally jumped inside my skin. I bit my tongue; tasted my own blood. The gun's loud report rang through the place like a summer thunderclap. I was glad when it faded.
But what the hell was that?
"YOU BETTER NOT . . . CRY . . . "
"Don't worry son!" I called out feigning confidence. I could see my boy was becoming twitchy. This guy might have been the 'ho-ho-ho' man once, but he was surely a walking corpse by now. A stiff that had infected the whole damn world in one chill night of dark magic. The noise coming out from the mall public address system had been harsh and metallic, like some cheap talking doll -
"BETTER . . . NOT . . . POUT . . . "
"Told you Dad! He's not dead! What did I tell you?
I nodded, absently. I felt anything but calm. It was the same fear that hits when you forget why you went up to a bedroom and find yourself staring at a blank wall. And now. through the fog, I could hear the next part of that suddenly detestable song; the chill dread that it might ring out again. "I'm telling you why . . . "
"He'll bring them back! Mom - and Sophie! He'll bring them back!"
I closed my eyes as Will continued his happy rant. It had been hard enough to accept a nightmare. And then followed the paralysing grief. My eyes burned with tears as I opened them. It was the innocence of my childhood I longed for. There is no magic, David. No Santa Claus. My parents had thought wrong in their cold shattering of my dreams. I could see him - right now, wearing the suit that looked far too much kike the colour of blood.
"Yaaaaay! I told you!"
Will had turned into a dancing Christmas tree, his almost frenzied shouts of glee sounding strangely accusatory in that cavernous space. Lights jangled around his narrow body, drawing the shuffling figure ever closer. One black boot dragged through the sticky mess that was once an elf's head. The other foot was naked, half eaten from the ankle. I could still hear the din of my son's exultation, even as the gun my hand roared and jumped once again. Almost immediately after, Santa's head and his hat exploded in a shining flower of bone and matter. Will fell silent, only able to stare as the ruined corpse folded inside the crimson coat - and collapsed.
For the last time ever.
Yaaaaay! My own heart lifted. I could breathe again. All was silence, like the clam after a storm. The mall public address crackled, just once, and then spoke no more. I knew my son might hate me - for a short while.
"It's okay," I said. seeing he was becoming agitated again. Then I heard him shout for me; the anguished cry of a traumatised child. It's okay now son. For God's sake . . .
I turned at a sudden realisation of shifting weight behind me; the onset of a familiar and nauseating stench.
I'd forgotten you see.
I'd forgotten - about Mrs Claus
Friday, 22 December 2017
Sunday, 16 April 2017
Lunacy or love . . ?
Welcome to the next longest public holiday of the year. We're a few months down the line from Christmas. Spring is in the air. The kids are on Easter break. There's plenty of happiness around. Being able to walk out and have the Sun on your back rather than chill rain makes a lot of difference. Then again, the dark shadows still loom very strong. World tensions are ramping up, as usual - and still no one seems to know for certain if President Donald Trump is warmonger or wise leader. The former is looking more likely right now.
Did I just mention Easter? Should I maybe apologise for that? I do begin to wonder at times. As far as pushing retail is concerned, the named weekend will be kept in place for the foreseeable future - seeing as this holiday seems to be more about egg hunts, the consumption of copious amounts of chocolate, Easter bunnies, just about anything - so long as we don't dwell too long upon the death of one mysterious man somewhere in the Middle East.
Like Christmas, the religious aspects of the Lent/Easter season seem to loom more in the periphery, only taking their place on the mainstream menu as hardly fascinating television with maybe a 'cheese and biscuit' finishing course of Anglican church, fit only for the most die hard follower. Maybe the BBC will roll out a relevant movie 'treat' like 'King of Kings' or 'Ben Hur' this year. The late Mister Heston yet remains good value for money - even if the latter named Oscar winning movie has been aired more times than a Morecambe and Wise Christmas special.
Evidence suggests the world is in random chaos. And it's a strong suggestion. The good die young. The noble soul expires, along with the despised and the evil. The Sun shines on good and wicked alike. Thinking about Good Friday from the perspective of the native mind could bring things home more clearly. As I sat in a reflective church service on Friday I put myself as an observer in the crowd when Jesus was brought before Pilate. The Roman procurator was hardly a man of nobility. He, quite literally, washed his hands of the whole thing when every angle at his disposal to escape killing this man fell on deaf ears. Even he knew this Jesus was innocent of any crime, yet the crowd still screamed for blood.
Yet, why would one man - a good man, put himself through such horrific torture, unless he was telling the truth? Or unless he had no real power to stop it? Insanity? The book of Isaiah more describes what Jesus endured physically before his death, without the descriptive power of a novelist to bring it to life. Sufficient to say the man went through a living hell. He was beaten until his face was so disfigured it was no longer recognisable. His beard was pulled out. He was beaten to the point of unconsciousness, whipped, scourged. All for a the so called crime of blasphemy? The fact was, the religious establishment had seen him as a threat to their authority. It was pretty much the same for the Romans. Yet, Pilate's obvious fear prompted him to clear himself of blame of the crime. I sometimes wonder if his hand washing stunt was more to appease the wrath of God than ingratiate himself with the crowd.
I can understand for many, this means absolutely nothing. It's another holiday weekend, for whatever reason. So get over it and eat some chocolate. And yet, doesn't this world more than ever need a saviour? Even this morning, the news I read makes very frightening Sunday fare with the threat of World War 3 looming a little closer. I don't believe Jesus was insane, but I do wonder about many of us. We can argue until doomsday (which may not be as long away as we think) about proving the death and resurrection of Christ actually happened. There are books on the subject which present great evidence to support it. And still, people don't buy it. And some do. It's always going to be that way. I have many friends who think it's complete hooey. They are still my friends, despite their atheism. And I hope I remain theirs.
So did Jesus rise on the third day? I personally believe he did. But I can't prove it. If I could I might be claiming the the big cash payout from James Randi. I'm just another of the millions who have simple hope. I really think God does speaks through many varied and unexpected voices - even horror authors like Stephen King, and directors like Frank Darabont. So remember this resurrection Sunday - 'Hope is a good thing - maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies'.
Hope.
Did I just mention Easter? Should I maybe apologise for that? I do begin to wonder at times. As far as pushing retail is concerned, the named weekend will be kept in place for the foreseeable future - seeing as this holiday seems to be more about egg hunts, the consumption of copious amounts of chocolate, Easter bunnies, just about anything - so long as we don't dwell too long upon the death of one mysterious man somewhere in the Middle East.
Like Christmas, the religious aspects of the Lent/Easter season seem to loom more in the periphery, only taking their place on the mainstream menu as hardly fascinating television with maybe a 'cheese and biscuit' finishing course of Anglican church, fit only for the most die hard follower. Maybe the BBC will roll out a relevant movie 'treat' like 'King of Kings' or 'Ben Hur' this year. The late Mister Heston yet remains good value for money - even if the latter named Oscar winning movie has been aired more times than a Morecambe and Wise Christmas special.
Evidence suggests the world is in random chaos. And it's a strong suggestion. The good die young. The noble soul expires, along with the despised and the evil. The Sun shines on good and wicked alike. Thinking about Good Friday from the perspective of the native mind could bring things home more clearly. As I sat in a reflective church service on Friday I put myself as an observer in the crowd when Jesus was brought before Pilate. The Roman procurator was hardly a man of nobility. He, quite literally, washed his hands of the whole thing when every angle at his disposal to escape killing this man fell on deaf ears. Even he knew this Jesus was innocent of any crime, yet the crowd still screamed for blood.
Yet, why would one man - a good man, put himself through such horrific torture, unless he was telling the truth? Or unless he had no real power to stop it? Insanity? The book of Isaiah more describes what Jesus endured physically before his death, without the descriptive power of a novelist to bring it to life. Sufficient to say the man went through a living hell. He was beaten until his face was so disfigured it was no longer recognisable. His beard was pulled out. He was beaten to the point of unconsciousness, whipped, scourged. All for a the so called crime of blasphemy? The fact was, the religious establishment had seen him as a threat to their authority. It was pretty much the same for the Romans. Yet, Pilate's obvious fear prompted him to clear himself of blame of the crime. I sometimes wonder if his hand washing stunt was more to appease the wrath of God than ingratiate himself with the crowd.
I can understand for many, this means absolutely nothing. It's another holiday weekend, for whatever reason. So get over it and eat some chocolate. And yet, doesn't this world more than ever need a saviour? Even this morning, the news I read makes very frightening Sunday fare with the threat of World War 3 looming a little closer. I don't believe Jesus was insane, but I do wonder about many of us. We can argue until doomsday (which may not be as long away as we think) about proving the death and resurrection of Christ actually happened. There are books on the subject which present great evidence to support it. And still, people don't buy it. And some do. It's always going to be that way. I have many friends who think it's complete hooey. They are still my friends, despite their atheism. And I hope I remain theirs.
So did Jesus rise on the third day? I personally believe he did. But I can't prove it. If I could I might be claiming the the big cash payout from James Randi. I'm just another of the millions who have simple hope. I really think God does speaks through many varied and unexpected voices - even horror authors like Stephen King, and directors like Frank Darabont. So remember this resurrection Sunday - 'Hope is a good thing - maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies'.
Hope.
Monday, 20 March 2017
The dating game . . .
This is rather a self serving post so please forgive me. I do usually try to provoke thought and comment in my blogging, but this first post of 2017 might be an exception. I'll try not to do it again . . .
Dating using an internet site can be a serious business. But it might not be good to take it too seriously, especially if you're really looking for that special someone. Then there's the possible question of 'playing well out of your league'. You might be slightly blinded to this depressing fact as you strut down the street like some geriatric John Travolta. Ever had a consultation with a headshrinker, or been in counselling? Now that can be an interesting experience - "Kevin, the way you talk about this makes it sound like it's a game". Well, it is, isn't it? When you're doing it this way it surely has to be. And you have to treat it so, unless you wish to get burned.
My own experiences with dating this way have been hardly successful. Being thrown into this maelstrom by failed marriage suddenly puts you into the category by default. Maybe there's little wonder I'm finding it tricky to be a macho man. What should one expect, looking like a cross between BBC political reporter Nick Robinson and an even more ageing Adrian Edmondson? At least being follically challenged is not so much of a problem for me these days. The balding man association have been summarily redeemed by shave head hero/villian icons like Bruce Willis, the Mitchell brothers (EastEnders), Jason Statham and Samuel L Jackson, to name but a few.
Of course, this very blog post is an offshoot of the frustrating non-success I have had so far in this regard. I suppose you could call it the 'seeking of catharsis'. All I'm saying in hindsight is don't fall for all the illusion put forth by over zealous advertising. A big percentage of advertising in general dwells in a world of idealism, where people are basically good, hardly self serving, so very ready to help their fellow man. Unfortunately, the reality can be very different. For a start, it is very easy to forget that every profile you might consider worth pursuing will likely be courting the same admiration from umpteen other longing souls, all wanting to impress for their next possible chance for meaningful relationship. The whole thing can seem very contrived in the end. Maybe that's exactly what it has to be. This is no chance meeting in some pub or night club. It's not a set up by a friend of a friend. This is a self manipulated adventure; a browse through a huge catalogue of lonely hearts; a pathway for those wanting to find the man/woman of their dreams.
Oh, and don't pay too much heed to any advertising photographs of new found blissful intimacy, generally used as leverage to get you to commit to a membership. That's an illusion too - for most of us. Forming relationships, like everything else, has embraced technology with an open network, often carrying with it the rather depressing feeling of being synthetic. What does one do then? Line up the dates like they were buying a second hand car? It seems to play this 'game' you have to have a pretty thick skin, and be ready for multiple strike outs before you find 'the one'. And then maybe I'm cynical because it just hasn't worked for me. That's a possibility and I won't deny it. Sometimes I have to admit that it's disappointment drives me to the keyboard.
So for those who have used these services and won, I salute you. Bravo and congratulations. Others may simply want a few dates and I think these sites can deliver in spades for those who mutually agree. It's the ones seeking something more permanent I suspect may have trouble here; the ones daring to invest just a small piece of themselves into every carefully picked date they might venture upon. Rejection can feel like a sharp slap in the face at the time, even with someone new. This is especially true if you been messaging a while prior to an initial meet up. The 'falling flat after seeing each other in the flesh' moment can initiate a downer lasting for days after. The texts suddenly cease like you no longer exist. You're off the list. Next! But just slow down. Wait another six weeks pal before you pick out another chance for rejection.
No doubt I will have another go - in around six weeks time I reckon. But that's enough of that. Let's get back to talking about movies, books, and how damn awful the world is . . .
Happy dating.
Dating using an internet site can be a serious business. But it might not be good to take it too seriously, especially if you're really looking for that special someone. Then there's the possible question of 'playing well out of your league'. You might be slightly blinded to this depressing fact as you strut down the street like some geriatric John Travolta. Ever had a consultation with a headshrinker, or been in counselling? Now that can be an interesting experience - "Kevin, the way you talk about this makes it sound like it's a game". Well, it is, isn't it? When you're doing it this way it surely has to be. And you have to treat it so, unless you wish to get burned.
My own experiences with dating this way have been hardly successful. Being thrown into this maelstrom by failed marriage suddenly puts you into the category by default. Maybe there's little wonder I'm finding it tricky to be a macho man. What should one expect, looking like a cross between BBC political reporter Nick Robinson and an even more ageing Adrian Edmondson? At least being follically challenged is not so much of a problem for me these days. The balding man association have been summarily redeemed by shave head hero/villian icons like Bruce Willis, the Mitchell brothers (EastEnders), Jason Statham and Samuel L Jackson, to name but a few.
Of course, this very blog post is an offshoot of the frustrating non-success I have had so far in this regard. I suppose you could call it the 'seeking of catharsis'. All I'm saying in hindsight is don't fall for all the illusion put forth by over zealous advertising. A big percentage of advertising in general dwells in a world of idealism, where people are basically good, hardly self serving, so very ready to help their fellow man. Unfortunately, the reality can be very different. For a start, it is very easy to forget that every profile you might consider worth pursuing will likely be courting the same admiration from umpteen other longing souls, all wanting to impress for their next possible chance for meaningful relationship. The whole thing can seem very contrived in the end. Maybe that's exactly what it has to be. This is no chance meeting in some pub or night club. It's not a set up by a friend of a friend. This is a self manipulated adventure; a browse through a huge catalogue of lonely hearts; a pathway for those wanting to find the man/woman of their dreams.
Oh, and don't pay too much heed to any advertising photographs of new found blissful intimacy, generally used as leverage to get you to commit to a membership. That's an illusion too - for most of us. Forming relationships, like everything else, has embraced technology with an open network, often carrying with it the rather depressing feeling of being synthetic. What does one do then? Line up the dates like they were buying a second hand car? It seems to play this 'game' you have to have a pretty thick skin, and be ready for multiple strike outs before you find 'the one'. And then maybe I'm cynical because it just hasn't worked for me. That's a possibility and I won't deny it. Sometimes I have to admit that it's disappointment drives me to the keyboard.
So for those who have used these services and won, I salute you. Bravo and congratulations. Others may simply want a few dates and I think these sites can deliver in spades for those who mutually agree. It's the ones seeking something more permanent I suspect may have trouble here; the ones daring to invest just a small piece of themselves into every carefully picked date they might venture upon. Rejection can feel like a sharp slap in the face at the time, even with someone new. This is especially true if you been messaging a while prior to an initial meet up. The 'falling flat after seeing each other in the flesh' moment can initiate a downer lasting for days after. The texts suddenly cease like you no longer exist. You're off the list. Next! But just slow down. Wait another six weeks pal before you pick out another chance for rejection.
No doubt I will have another go - in around six weeks time I reckon. But that's enough of that. Let's get back to talking about movies, books, and how damn awful the world is . . .
Happy dating.
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